Again and again, I read these prompts and shake my head:
Are you a good judge of character?
I’m not entirely sure what that means to most people.
It seems to assume that we meet another
and almost immediately sum them up—
as if character were something visible at a glance,
a feature to be assessed and filed away.
I would hate someone doing that to me,
though I’m sure it happens all the time.
I’m not easy to know.
I don’t even fully know myself.
I’m regularly surprised by what arises in me—
thoughts and responses that fall well outside
the tidy boundaries of who I imagine myself to be.
So no, I don’t believe it’s fair to judge another
on first encounter.
What I do instead is observe.
I notice physical cues.
I listen for tone, for what hums beneath the words.
I register the background noise of a person’s life.
All the while, I’m gathering fragments—
not conclusions, but pieces of a picture
that slowly forms in the mind.
A kind of puzzle I may feel drawn to,
or not.
To take those fragments and force them
into a neat summary feels both unfair
and unrealistic.
It takes time to begin to know another.
Don’t we all reveal ourselves gradually,
as questions provoke answers
and situations demand responses?
Over time, people change.
Each day presents us with innumerable choices.
If life feels like moving through thick woods—
as it often does now—
there are countless crossroads and pivots,
moments when we choose this way or that.
I know I’ve ended up far from paths
I once felt certain I was on.
Because of this, I remain a student—
trusting that others, too, are making
and remaking themselves
over the course of years.
Seen this way, it’s something of a miracle
if two people meet again on the same road
months—or years—after a first encounter.
So yes, in the end, I suppose I am
a good judge of character—
but only because I allow character
to form, dissolve, and form again over time.
Sometimes the relationship holds.
Other times it fades away.
Choice and change are the constants we’re given,
and paying attention—without rushing to verdict—
may be the truest measure of judgment there is.
King Kamehameha butterfly ~ bj 2012
I love that, ….. “only because I allow character
to form, dissolve, and form again over time.”
I am still learning who I am as well Bela… 🙂
Sending love and well wishes for a wonderful Christmas and all the very best for 2026 and beyond..
love Sue xx <3
Thanks so much, Sue! And of course you know I wish you and Bernard a blessed holiday and new year!
Yes, the older I get I swear, the less I really truly know myself. So I don’t think the inquiry ever dies, if we desire it to begin with. At this point, so many things have gone this way and that in my life, I realize the only thing I really have any business delving into is my own Being. 🙏♥️💗
Thank you Bela…. I am with you all the way in your thought process…
Sending lots of love right back at you…. Have a lovely Christmas xx <3
Mahalo! 💗
The prompt might seem to be for us … but isn’t it interesting how they open up a deeper knowing. I love how you engage and follow your inner guidance. 💞
Aww, thanks so much, Val! There are some that I definitely find I want to respond to, and there are all kinds that are just too surface for my liking. 🙃😘
A good judge in court also gathers as much info as possible over time. I think you object to “judging” people and jumping to quick conclusions about things. That judging and prejudging seems to be a human weakness tho.
Bumba, thanks for your comment. I use my own personal experience to inform my writing. So I am just staying close to the bone on this piece. It’s not for me to tell other people how to be or what to do, not my job. 😉🙏