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I’m Looking Through You (Where Did You Go?)

By on March 1, 2012 in love, psychology, relationships, Uncategorized

I’m looking through you

Where did you go?

I thought I knew you

What did I know?

You don’t look different, but you have changed

I’m looking through you

You’re not the same.

~ Lennon & McCartney

This song runs through my head occasionally, along with the reminder that if I don’t like something about another person, the need to change lies within me. It matters not what another says, who they are, what they represent. The closer in proximity, the tighter the relationship, the stronger the message and/or the reflection.

I’m looking through another person when I expect them to give me something only I can provide for myself. I’m not truly seeing them, only my desire for whatever it is I want met, and now. And I’m not honoring this unique individual and their equally challenging life, nor empathizing with their own complex inner turmoil or even acknowledging a possible attempt at providing what it is I’m looking for. Lost in my own illusion, I’m spiraling into the orbit of my own personal galaxy. Not only am I miserable, I am contributing to the misery of another.

You’re thinking of me the same old way

You were above me, but not today

The only difference is you’re down there

I’m looking through you,

And you’re nowhere.

How humans wish for another to be that image of perfection toward which we strive, for whom we sacrifice so very much! If only they would cooperate as our ideal, life could be smooth, even sublime. This illusion is fostered through, among other things, romanticism spoon-fed us by the media. And the consequence of attempting to maintain a fantasy is perpetual disappointment. If we want real love and/or enduring relationship, we need only discover our own fundamental loving nature. From that wellspring of caring, we sow seeds that pop up like wildflowers in fields of enduring reflection.

Life stretches onward with challenges, that being its nature. Yet contentment grows, despite obstacles, as we discover a deeper peace than we believed possible when accepting responsibility for our own value. Instead of frustration and time wasted in futile efforts to bend another’s will, we discover the grace inherent in letting another person truly be, flowering into and unto themselves. And we discover, deep within, an innate joy in granting this gift, to and from our own authentic beloved selves.

 

photo credit: Bela Johnson

 

Beatles- I’m Looking Through You

 

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metaphysics for your mind

By on December 14, 2011 in health, philosophy, psychology, Uncategorized

Excerpted from mythoughtcoach.com:

Scientists are beginning to prove more and more convincingly that thoughts are powerful things. Goal setting, the “law of attraction” and “positive thinking” all work, regardless of whether you look at them from a metaphysical or a scientific perspective. Whatever you have been thinking about, picturing in your mind repeatedly on a daily basis, and putting emotional energy towards is what you are now experiencing.

Scientists have identified specific parts of the brain, such as the reticular activating system (RAS), which works with the visual parts of our brain to call our conscious attention to those things that have been focused on, and to filter out other things that have not. The RAS is activated by “programming” thoughts, phrases and images into our sub-conscious minds. Our sub conscious mind is the “power center” and this is the mechanism that explains why visualization and positive thinking are now being accepted as scientific methods for change.

We are discovering that our brain is cybernetic in nature, which means that it is literally like a computer, waiting for a program to be installed. Here’s the kicker – the subconscious is completely neutral and impartial. It will carry out any instructions you give it. Unfortunately, many of us are still running negative programs we picked up from others as children when our non-conscious minds were totally open and impressionable, or which we developed over the years as a result of repetition of our own negative thinking.

As it turns out, our own thoughts, repeated daily, are one of the
primary ways that our “mental computer” is programmed on a sub-conscious level, which is the level of beliefs, habits and automatic behavior.

Neuroscientists have discovered that you have the capacity to create an almost infinite number of new neural connections in your brain when you run new thought patterns. Old neural pathways are like grooves in a record, and if you are struggling with your health related behaviors or behaviors in any other area of your life, you have been playing these “old records” over and over again. If you were to carve a new groove into that record, it would never play the same way again. The old pattern would weaken and the new one would take over. Brand new positive thoughts, feelings and images begin to create new neural patterns—new grooves.

Psychologists estimate that it takes 21 to 30 days to establish a new pattern in your brain. During this time, the focus of sticking with your practice and repeating your new thought patterns is critical. This isn’t always easy. In fact, controlling your thinking and keeping it constructive may be one of the most difficult challenges you have ever faced.

 

image: Memory Tapes "Player Piano"

 

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Woman’s Guide to Everything: Sex and the Brain

By on November 16, 2011 in health, lifestyles, love, philosophy, psychology, relationships, Uncategorized

This article is reposted from chezgigi.com

image: the incomparable Alex Grey

Sex and the brain continues with a look at obsession, and the physiological responses to heartache. There is a reason the loss of love hurts so much. When someone has left us in a puddle of grief and desperation, or we have left someone with a cheery ‘ta-ta!’ and no backward glance, there is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It doesn’t just affect the brain either; intense emotional distress, according to the September 2011 Prevention issue, taps into the same neural pathways as physical pain. For a heartache, they suggest taking acetaminophen. It may or may not help, but at least it may head off that hangover when you decide to drink your heartache into oblivion. This actually works best for men, and is only a short-term solution, so don’t get too excited.

The physical ramifications of a broken heart are very real. They can leave scars on the psyche as real as any gained through an accident. The wounds linger for years, whereas the pain from physical wounds are forgotten. If they weren’t, no doubt most children would be only children.

There is actually a name for the condition of longing for a love object.  It is called ‘limerence.’ Whether your affection is returned or not, nothing can satiate the longing for emotional reciprocation. I’ve been through this; a million years ago, as a schoolgirl, I can remember having a hopeless crush on some boy or other at school. Oh, how I loved him, while I loved him! Fortunately, these episodes were short-lived, and I was able to move on to the next grade, and the next boy, but there are some people afflicted by this hapless emotion for sixty years!

The beginning of a relationship is the ‘honeymoon,’ when both parties are smitten, and a volatile mix of chemicals are coursing through their veins, making sure they bond, and fall in love, and continue the human race. If it seems good to stay together, this period wears off in about six months, and hormones balance out. For those stuck in the limerence stage, there are heart palpitations, shortness of breath, loss of sleep, and an aching in the chest or abdomen. So, you are either having a panic attack, catching the flu, or you are obsessed. Generally, a person will fixate on someone for three to five years, and then transfer their affections to someone else.

Like those brain worms you get when a song is stuck in your head, obsessive thoughts and longing for your love object originate in your brain. Scientists are studying which parts of the brain are affected by limerence, but in the meantime, there are twelve-step programs, and cognitive behavioral therapy. All these options for treatment sounds as if therapists view it as being suffered mainly by women, which if true, is just plain stupid. How many men do we hear of every day, who are hopelessly obsessed with someone? Usually restraining orders have to be taken out, though.

In 1869, when Freud was still a teenager, women with this condition were treated with pelvic massage, administered by a big, steam-powered vibrator. This no doubt gave them orgasms, which women were probably not allowed to have many of, but if administered by a doctor, were probably viewed as morally proper, and for medicinal purposes only. This treatment, while fun, did not, and does not ‘cure’ the person. It merely makes the time go by faster.

When we love someone, they actually take up residence in our brains. They reside in the nerve-cell pathways, and the neurons and synapses of our minds. When we lose them, through death, divorce, or break up, our brains become confused and disoriented. We expect to be able to see, hear, and touch them. Death especially, feels disorienting, as if the person is just around the corner, as if we can turn and speak to them.

In Sex and the Brain by Daniel G. Amen, he writes that overactivity in the limbic brain has been associated with depression, and low serotonin levels, which is why we have trouble sleeping, and lose our appetite. This part of the brain actually becomes inflamed like a physical wound when we experience the loss of a loved one. There is a corresponding deficit in endorphins, which may be responsible for the physical pain we feel after a break up or loss. That makes it doubly important to take care of physical needs, such as exercising.  At least, you can create endorphins that way. It never hurts to write out your feelings, either. And while you’re at it, write out your beloved’s faults. Focusing on their bad points can help you move on.

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